A Conversation Between My Mind and Me

One day while I was lost in thought, my mind began to wander. It can be both invigorating and intimidating when you begin to question yourself on things such as the validity of your very existence. Thoughts of life, purpose, and loss circulate my mind as if there is a gravitational pull that attracts these three to the center of my own universe.  

The Interview: 

Mind:  Do you feel as though you actually have some kind of purpose? 

Me:  Some days I do but most days I don't. 

Mind:  How long have you felt this way? 

Me:  Most of my life. I feel like a child who has been blind folded and spun around and then encouraged to hit the hanging pinata with my senses being stranded in the land of vertigo. It's  only been in the last year and a half that I've felt the vertigo cease to exist. 

I've often found myself lost in thought about nearly everything you could possibly think about. Sometimes the thoughts race endlessly, pretty much about 90% of the time. 

That is mentally exhausting. 

Enter Clarity...

Mind:  What does that mean to you? 

Me:  Hmmm very good question, when I finally experience that illusive bastard I'll let you know immediately. 😇

I want to feel excitement for each and every day. Is that unrealistic? At this point I would settle for as many days of that as I can get. 

Mind:  When did you lose this feeling? 

Me:  I think it was the day my precious son died, that was in 2006 and now it's 2018. 

It could have been before that actually.  I think when my spirit finally realized that his life would be so short the hope that once occupied my heart slowly, but surely disappeared. 

- mika